I didn't really get into the teenage Angst thing. I had a lot of family deaths and issues, a car accident and a bad family home situation. Who doesn't though right? This led into my 20's and was the cause of my responsibility and steadfastness. I commuted to college and helped raise my little brother until I was 22. Then I moved out of my mom's house and realized that my angst was just prolonged.
Once I was out, I neglected taking responsibility for my life and just let the good times roll. I drank, I fought, I smoked, I partied and was known as 'Mad Martigan.' I was proud of my stature and didn't care if it was detrimental. This went on for years....Then I got a DWI.
I tried to drive after drinking heavily at an Irish Pub and thank God the cops stopped me. Nothing happened.... but it could have. My life would not be what it is today if not for two things. 1. I quit drinking. (I'm not an alcoholic, but I definitely didn't understand moderation and smart thinking in social settings.) 2. My girlfriend at the time (Wife now) left me to sulk and rot in jail.
She always told me that if I got arrested for drunk driving, to not even bother calling her. I did anyway...and she did nothing to help me. Can you believe that? I still can't. I can't believe how strong of a woman she is. She still amazes me to this day with her strength, intelligence, and forgiveness.
A few good friends banded together and helped me out. After I got out I tried for weeks to speak with her. Eventually, I did and it obviously worked out. It wasn't until I came to my own realization, that I needed to quit drinking and get my shit together, that she would talk to me again. I was 27.
My delayed angst would last for 5 years and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think, 'What wouldn't have been.'
It was hard to start over. I had been in jail for ticket infractions before but not like this. Rock bottom for me was a dirty downtown St. Louis jail cell (about the size of a walk-in closet) filled with 15 other guys. When I tell my daughter to go to 'Time-Out' it's to reflect on what she has done. That's what Jail did to me. I reflected and it was life-altering.
From there I cleaned it all up. Got a better job, paid debts, repaired relationships and became involved in life again. When something went wrong I didn't say screw it and go to the bar. I fixed it! I communicated and worked at my problems. That is true work.
Speaking of work, I finally feel proud of my personal and professional accomplishments. It's been another 5 years and while there have been good times since then, I found that I have only been climbing back to where I was before my prolonged angst caught up with me.
I finally feel like I am back on the same responsible, trustworthy level I was when I was 22. So now that I'm back, it's time to push harder and further. It's time to make something of myself.
I made a video about turning 32 because I thought it would be funny. It was unintentionally named 'No More Games.' It seemed to fit perfectly for what I was doing. As I watched it a couple times more, I realized that this video wasn't just a quirky thing for my birthday....but a sign that it's been another 5 years and I need to quit playing games. It's time to DO something. I quit partying, got married, got a house, advanced my career and now....now it's time to live life with a purpose. It's time to try to attain something more in my life. I abruptly got the message that I need to advance myself and....Quit. Playing. Games.
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